This is my grief journey. It is a journey I go on unwillingly. A path I never wished to walk. One that I am dragged down, by the hands of time…my nails digging into the ground…scraping at the Earth. I try to run back down the path…over and over…and each time my body slams into a wall…the wall that separates my life…my existence…the before and the after. They say, that you never know you are living in a before, until you are living in an after. And that is the truth. No matter how many times I run…no matter how fast…I still hit that wall…and it never cracks or shatters…it holds firm…separating the life that I knew…the life that I had planned…and the one that I live now. So I walk down this path. Sometimes I crawl…sometimes I walk…sometimes I sit along the edge of the path…rocking back and forth, unable to move. Every sunrise and every sunset thrusts me further and further away from …before. Every sunrise and every sunset thrusts me closer and closer to the day that I am reunited with my daughter.
I imagine her, all the time, standing along the ocean shore. A place she and I spent hours and hours sun bathing, sand castle building and shell collecting. I imagine her standing along the ocean shore…her toes tickled by the waves as the tide makes it’s way in…in a pretty pink sundress…the sun beginning to set. I imagine the way the sunset would light her face…how the pink would of the setting sun would engulf the world around her…and suddenly…I will be there…standing beside her…as if not a moment has gone by. I find her at the beach all the time… when I look out on the horizon…to the point where the ocean meets the sky and I can see no further…I am certain that is Heaven…and that is where we will meet.
So, welcome to my blog. This is a place that I will share my deepest pain…where I will share with you about my life before…and my life after. I welcome your comments and your stories…for we are on different paths but we are in the same forest of longing. Thank you for visiting my page.